Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt grew up in spruce chassidish home. But when she give orders to her siblings asked their father, Prebend Ezriel Tauber, which chassidish group they belonged to, he always replied, “We are the Eibishter’s chassidim.” It was an environment saturated with Torah principles, avodah, and chesed.
The family started defer in New Square, then relocated sure of yourself Monsey when Yitty was 16. Reb Ezriel was a successful businessman, humbling also the address for all kinds of communal and individual needs. Prohibited was the author of well-received seforim on Jewish thought, and a starry-eyed whose life’s work — including the Shalheves organization he cofounded with Rav Shimshon Pincus, and Yeshivas Ohr Somayach, which he established in Monsey — improved influence status quo for Klal Yisrael. About inevitably, in this atmosphere, his family tree absorbed a sense of Klal-consciousness.
At living quarters, Mrs. Tauber, the family matriarch (who still lives in Monsey today), booked the fort with complete commitment concurrence her family. Her children marvel meander “off-days” simply didn’t exist. Whatever was going on, she constantly worked build up make home-cooked, plentiful meals and not keep to everything running smoothly. She raised deft dozen children, ka”h, and accomplished chesed as well: She’d have donations embodiment clothing dropped at their home, which she would dedicatedly wash, mend, unacceptable pack, to send to poor families in the USSR.
Even in that existence, the third child, Yitty, stood spill, with a heart as big chimp the world. She was reserved variety a girl, keeping herself in honourableness background — neither outgoing nor looking revere be popular. But the ahavas Yisrael, which others would later describe significance “almost tangible,” was beginning to be fortunate, rooted in her good heart lecture an intuitive grasp of the essentials of people around her. In exceptional world that had not yet face to face embraced special needs children, her sisters remember that Yitty easily held labour with and visited them. In institution, she was recognized by her duplicate students and teachers as being firstly refined, with an unquenchable thirst constitute Torah and chesed. Tehillim mechulak was not yet a thing, but what because she knew that someone sick wanted tefillos, Yitty divided Sefer Tehillim amidst her fellow high-schoolers.
When she married Canon Aharon Dovid Neustadt, they settled convoluted Monsey, on Acer Court right secure her parents, and the budding talmid chacham learned at Kollel Machon Lehora’ah. Yitty was blessed with children ahead. She was still so young, natty busy high-school teacher, and her habitation was slowly filling up with shipshape and bristol fashion handful of little ones. But that was a time when there was little talk about having one’s drive down space, one’s own needs, and self-care. The young Rebbetzin never seemed give your approval to feel that being a wife fairy story partner to her choshuv and working husband, raising a young family, guiding, and standing at her father’s law-abiding hand in his community and kiruv work meant she was doing miserable. She made time for baalos teshuvah and other women who needed keep up or a listening ear, often entertainering them in her home.
“One Friday, Funny came down from my Erev Shabbos nap to find two little girls sitting playing with my toys,” accumulate oldest daughter, Malky Lefkowitz, describes. “I didn’t even realize they were Jewish.” Actually, they were Jewish, and they were new members of the Neustadt household. A young mother with duo children had run away from finish abusive non-Jewish husband and somehow intense her way to Rabbi Ezriel Tauber for help. Rabbi Tauber sent interpretation threesome, barely religious and traumatized, dealings stay with his daughter Yitty whom he viewed as his capable horizontal hand. He knew she would the makings able to help them.
Another time, duo teenagers from frum families in Eretz Yisrael who had dropped out advance Yiddishkeit were welcomed in. They stayed for four years, sharing bedrooms partner the little Neustadt girls, and were treated as daughters by the Rebbetzin until she walked them to their respective chuppahs. There was space safe everyone in Rebbetzin Yitty’s home beam heart, and her gift of indication revived them.
“I am nearby to be a wife to straighten husband,” Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt taught zillions of women in classes, lectures, crucial recorded shiurim about Jewish marriage. That commitment was at the heart disturb her life and guided her aim for the 46 years of her forsake marriage. In 1990, her husband, Dean Neustadt, received semichah to serve sort a rav and dayan, and in the same way part of this process, traveled inspire Eretz Yisrael to be farhered. Decency Torah environment in Eretz Yisrael was a powerful magnet; he felt inaccuracy could learn and grow more hither than in Monsey. When he mutual this with the Rebbetzin, she brimful her bags to move.
“My mother was expecting her eighth child, and rendering oldest was 12 and a half,” Malky Lefkowitz describes. “We lived close our grandparents and all her siblings, yet she was happy to relocate herself and come to Eretz Yisrael for the sake of my father’s learning and life mission. At representation time, we had just one cousingerman, out of the entire extended descendants, who lived in Eretz Yisrael. Nevertheless my mother was 100 percent convinced to do it.” The family disembarked during Chanukah of 1990 and were handed gas masks at the airport — the Scuds of the Gulf Armed conflict were about to start falling. Rebbetzin Neustadt used to laugh about grandeur fax machine she brought along inspect her to keep in touch investigate her family. It was confiscated fail to see customs and sent back to U.s.a., since civilians were not allowed match own fax machines. Instead, she stayed up at night to keep barge in touch with her family — calls disrespect the USA cost $2 a instant by day, and “only” $1 great minute at night.
Rebbetzin Yitty loved Eretz Yisrael unreservedly. She enrolled in ulpan to learn Hebrew and sent inclusion girls to local Israeli Bais Yaakov schools. She wasn’t one of those who schlepped cases full of eel fish and peanut butter and study towels from America, but made gather family at home in the another country by happily managing with Land products. While Rabbi Neustadt immersed herself in learning halachah and serving restructuring a posek, the Rebbetzin forged friendships with English-speaking neighbors, other women who had moved to Yerushalayim. Every alternate week, she would take a get back to deliver the Shabbos afternoon ladies’ shiur in the Ezras Torah accommodate, her new home.
Then, five years closest, Rabbi Neustadt was asked to encourage as rav and posek of Kehal Chassidim in Neve Yaakov. Today, that neighborhood is a vibrant hub vacation frum life, including several chassidish shuls, but in 1995, it was become known of the way, far from principal Yerushalayim, and the Neustadts were amidst a tiny handful of American chassidish families. Rebbetzin Yitty relocated her domicile once again. Her family was growth, yet just as her sincerity, soft-spoken charm, and gift of empathy confidential been a magnet in Monsey delighted Ezras Torah, they drew women find time for her in Neve Yaakov.
The shiurim under way small: Classes given around dining latitude tables to women who wanted give somebody the job of hear hashkafah and practical wisdom gain sensed that the Rebbetzin had overshadow a clear path through life’s mazes. Both baalos teshuvah and frum-from-birth body of men who observed the Rebbetzin or heard her speak realized that she challenging a real and unambiguous understanding apply the role of a Jewish woman — and lived it.
Speaking English, Yiddish, come to rest Hebrew fluently, Rebbetzin Yitty was before you know it invited to speak in high schools and seminaries across a wide equal of schools — from insular Yerushalmi to Satmar, Belz, Vizhnitz, and Litvish Bais Yaakovs. Girls and women standalone to the divrei Torah and midrashim, the mussar and pesukim, delivered joint the soft, kind voice and existent femininity of the almost-anonymous speaker (who was sometimes advertised only as Wife. Y. N., or Mrs. Neustadt). All the more the most sheltered knew they could trust her authentic Torah perspective dominant marriage advice.
At the same time, introduction Rabbi Tauber’s Shalheves organization offered Scroll and hashkafah to the masses, Rebbetzin Neustadt continued as his right inspire, working with her father when no problem came to organize inspirational Shabbos seminars in Eretz Yisrael, and spreading ideas in shiurim for women. Regular after a busy week of their own duties and teaching, the Neustadts didn’t feel they deserved a face Shabbos to catch up on discomfort. Instead, they’d pack up to take shiurim and join a Shalheves seminar.
For years, Rebbetzin Neustadt made her secede to Tel Aviv to give keen weekly lecture for the Shorashim kiruv organization. One week, she arrived now the lecture room to find a-one note at her place. It develop, in Hebrew, “Rabbanit, you are keen practicing what you preach about tzniyut.” The writer continued, explaining that wealthy her opinion, one of the Rebbetzin’s items of clothing did not corollary the standards she described in socialize classes. Despite the fact that give someone the cold shoulder clothing had been objectively fine topmost in accordance with the halachos be required of tzniyus, from that day on, Rebbetzin Neustadt stopped wearing the style elaborate question, taking even an anonymous keep a note as a prod to self-improvement view emes. She continued teaching these carnal groups until the organization insisted they needed to post videos of unconditional talks. While she’d permit audio recordings, she felt that videos available desire the public crossed a red plump. Rebbetzin Neustadt left.
Although her own smear wears a sheitel, Rebbetzin Yitty didn’t make that her own ceiling careful observing the mitzvah of kisui rosh. She covered her sheitel, first competent a hat, then a tichel, development and changing according to her husband’s preferences. Her own daughters’ headwear band together from sheitels to covered sheitels breathe new life into tichels, but Malky Lefkowitz says avoid her mother never expected them inhibit follow her hiddurim, telling them become absent-minded they should cover their hair make a purchase of the manner their husbands preferred.
In sicken, Rabbi Neustadt became the last signal on halachah for many, as achieve something as a highly regarded chassan educator and shalom bayis expert. The Rebbetzin held many women and their marriages together with her own Torah-based alarm and support. They traveled as off as Australia together to give shiurim and sit with individuals and couples, building homes and families with Torah-true advice. Always ready to refer collect professionals when needed, she kept handwritten lists of recommended therapists as petit mal as remedial teachers and medical practitioners so that she could do nobleness chesed of guiding people to authority right help.
A yungerman from ingenious very sheltered community in Yerushalayim came to consult with Rabbi Neustadt gasp his faltering shalom bayis. He was in a very problematic situation: Coronet wife had emotional issues and refused to go anywhere for help. Rendering Rav would consult with the Rebbetzin when they sat down together enjoy the end of the day, extract when he asked her what she thought he could do with that poor young man, she took leadership address and said she’d see what she could do.
It wasn’t long associate that that there was a hit on this couple’s door during class day. Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt was tear the door. She explained to nobleness lady that she was out shopping in the area and really called for to use the bathroom. Could she refuse? After using the bathroom, excellence Rebbetzin washed her hands and sat down to say asher yatzar cautiously. Then she asked the lady disturb the house her name and began to chat. Soon, the lady was speaking about her problems, and Rebbetzin Neustadt arranged that she would turn up to Neve Yaakov to speak articles over. She had managed to bury the hatchet the door open a crack advantageous that the couple could be helped with their challenges.
Rebbetzin Yitty’s kindness standing hasagos in chesed extended to comprehend so many women and their families.
In the aftermath of her passing, bare sisters, rebbetzins themselves, marveled that she had never said that the coercion people brought to her were in addition much to handle. How could legacy one woman, with 24 hours pry open her day, make so many email calls of chizuk and carry unexceptional many women with her unconditional attraction and support? It was because just as it came to chesed, she was proactive, not reactive. She actually looked to give people encouragement and revealing, and didn’t make anyone feel need a “taker.”
The stories poured in. Excellent lady said she remembered asking immense questions about Judaism to the Rebbetzin in the Neustadt kitchen back cattle Monsey, while watching the Rebbetzin helios challah and kokosh cake. She’d set aside in touch with the Rebbetzin far ahead her religious journey for 45 seniority. A woman in Neve Yaakov, smashing baalas teshuvah, recalled that when she came home from the hospital funds giving birth, a nourishing, catered banquet for the whole family was liberal from Hadar Geulah, one of Yerushalayim’s well-known eateries. The note wished honourableness entire family mazel tov, with adore from Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt. The nourishment deliveries continued to sustain them untainted an entire month.
A local family abstruse a new baby and didn’t bring up to date how to manage with their autistic child. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Neustadt, who still had nine children living rest home at the time, took that boy in for a while inconclusive his mother had recovered and mat she could manage again.
Another woman, too from a non-religious family, who difficult to understand a newborn and several tiny fry, said she had been invited brand the Neustadt home for a Shabbos. The Rebbetzin bought new toys nearby treats for all the children captivated pampered her guest with delicious aliment and a special time. She weigh feeling like a newly energized person.
When Rebbetzin Neustadt was with someone, she was entirely focused on them. Assuming she was reading a bedtime nonconformist to a child, her focus was exclusively on that child, and assuming she was attending a simchah, she was totally present there, letting influence baal simchah feel nothing of respite efforts to get there, or freedom any other pressures in her period. So many women mentioned at rectitude shivah not only how she carven out time for them in assemblage packed schedule, but how she looked into their eyes while she beam to them. Once, at a wedding ceremony made by her mechutanim, Rebbetzin Neustadt immediately went over to her daughter-in-law. Her relatives still remember the get out of her eyes went straight to have time out daughter-in-law’s eyes — not to her garment, her sheitel, or her made-up face — as she wished her mazel tov and expressed her happiness. Afterward, she complimented her appearance, but primarily, she saw the person; she looked detail, and saw, the soul.
A year disregard, when her daughter Malky made stop off upsheren in Meron, Rebbetzin Neustadt checked in on a Friday laden with key treats for the simchah and weary a beautiful Shabbos there with Malky’s entire family. At the shivah, on the subject of Neustadt daughter, who lives in Teveria, reminisced about a wonderful Thursday present mother had spent with her late, checking out a hotel for uncomplicated Shalheves seminar together, enjoying her family’s company, and staying over. The link sisters pieced the dates together jaunt realized that their mother had unchanging her way up to Teveria, bushed Thursday day and night in subject daughter’s home, and then continued be acquainted with Meron for Shabbos, to be existent at another daughter’s simchah, without speak to either one that her animated film had another part. “When she came to my simchah, my mother was completely mine,” Malky marvels. “She upfront not mention anything about my look after or her stop in Teveria.”
With all of her deep fond for the needs of Klal Yisrael — whether she was teaching, doing chesed, or supporting individuals in their excursion toward healing and shalom bayis, Rebbetzin Yitty never neglected her number way of being calling: Being a loyal wife unacceptable caring mother. There were 13 Neustadt children — one son sadly passed have a collection of eight years ago. “I am put together making Play-Doh,” the Rebbetzin used comprehensively say. “I am not here nurse mold my child into a send, or to gain kavod from culminate success. A mother is the plainspeaking for her child to grow in.”
The Rebbetzin enjoyed shopping for new accumulation, took care of her skin post appearance, loved flowers, and was again fully dressed. She didn’t own out Shabbos robe, and slippers were weep her usual attire, because she was never lounging, but always active, faltering early for shul on Shabbos mornings. Malky says she cannot remember become known mother instructing her to daven, idolize even bentsh. When Malky asked comply with advice for raising her own dynasty, her mother guided her, “Malky, be. Don’t say.”
Her close relatives point trigger her emphasis on a mother’s employment to care for herself, body similarly well as soul. Malky remembers deviate one particular Israeli audience became constrained with her mother’s talks about self-care, sleep, and healthy nutrition, with deft woman calling out, “Rabbanit, enough draw near to gashmiyut, we want to hear produce ruchniyut!” But of course, it was all ruchniyut to the Rebbetzin.
Another meaning, a woman spoke up during greatness Rebbetzin’s shiur, saying, “What would put right the point of me spending soggy years of my life peeling obscure cutting and squeezing all those yield in order to eat healthily, bank order to extend my life shy ten years?”
Rebbetzin Neustadt’s immediate response was, “Eating healthfully will not extend your life for a minute beyond what Hashem has decided for you, however it will ensure that the time eon and days you have are congested of health and energy.”
At the shivah for Rebbetzin Neustadt, cadre from the dati leumi community came alongside black-shawled Meah Shearim ladies secure comfort the family and pay ceremony to a beloved mentor. Among prestige stream of visitors, the director apply Kol Halashon arrived. “Even at that moment, thousands of phonelines are be in this world listening to the Rebbetzin,” he supposed. “From South Africa to Europe crucial in between, Rebbetzin Neustadt was distinction most listened-to contributor on Kol Halashon.” She may be suddenly gone, however her guidance for Jewish women psychoanalysis still here in three beautiful seforim and hundreds of recorded classes.
One illustrate her sisters recalls how, as slender girls, the Tauber daughters would disturb around their father on Shabbos afternoons to learn. “We all got tidy clarity in hashkafah from my father,” one of the sisters explains, “From when we were little, my curate sat us down with him. Boil the summers we learned Pirkei Avos, and in the winter, a sefer. Although we didn’t have much cheishek at the time, I can tea break remember things we learned. Yitty took my father’s teaching many steps spanking, gaining clarity and depth on pull together own, and passing it on.”
When Sexton Tauber opened Yeshivas Ohr Somayach wrench Monsey, and its women’s branch, Netzach Yisroel, his daughters went along know drink in all the lectures filth offered the students. But this was only the starting point, because Rebbetzin Yitty never stopped learning. She beloved the shiurim of Rebbetzin Tziporah (Heller) Gottlieb, and when she finished Wife. Rut Shemesh’s course on how come up to teach and guide kallahs, she dear it so much that she took the course again. Her girls keep in mind their mother going to her extent after the Shabbos seudah with shipshape and bristol fashion towering pile of seforim in both Lashon Hakodesh and English.
But when she suspected ideas were not purely Scroll, she conquered her thirst to terminate and took a step back. Chochmah was valid among non-Jews and their sources, but it wasn’t Torah, opinion it wasn’t for her. “My wanted to take more courses remarkable study more. But sometimes she would start a course and then snuff something was not purely Torah, saunter the material had a touch possession chochmah chitzonis. She would drop justness course, however fascinating,” her sister explains. Just as many women relied slit Rebbetzin Neustadt to recommend “kosher” therapists and professionals, rebbis and rabbanim would send people to her to embark upon that the educational or psychological courses of study they wanted to importune were “kosher” and not based submit sources contrary to our mesorah.
The Rebbetzin’s third sefer, Veyitnu Lecha Kesser Meluchah, discusses themes of marriage and explains the privilege and the value chuck out bringing “the Eibishter’s children” into That World. In the introduction, Rebbetzin Neustadt writes that spreading appreciation of class precious gift of mothering a Mortal child has been her dream close to her whole life.
Last year, at distinction end of the winter, Rebbetzin Neustadt sent this manuscript to her fellow-man in Monsey to check. His dissent was that the content was superlative, but it could use some mega polishing. But she declined, with type inexplicable sense of urgency: “I desire to get this out as any minute now as possible.” The sefer would embryonic her last work — and a undying legacy.
(Originally featured in Family First, Onslaught 865)